


Justice is a Kinky bitch (or else why does she wear the blindfold?)

by windfallswest



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-21
Updated: 2011-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-27 16:40:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/297897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windfallswest/pseuds/windfallswest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anko: Defendant, daughter of a rich family (with whom she has managed to sever all ties but those of legal protection)<br/>Kakashi: Counsel for the Defence, representing Miss Anko<br/>Iruka: Counsel for the Prosecution, DA's office, representing the State/City/what-have-you<br/>Tsunade: the Honourable Judge<br/>Charge: vandalism (Anko has defaced a courthouse wall with a painting of dubious social value)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Justice is a Kinky bitch (or else why does she wear the blindfold?)

**Author's Note:**

> Crack. Pretty vulgar crack, to warn you, and the result of my mainlining all of Boston Legal before writing it. For a 2010 minibingo, prompt _lawyer_.

Anko: *bored* Prosecutor's got a nice ass.

Kakashi: *makes a show of leaning over to see* Does he? I hadn't noticed.

Iruka: *pretends he is not hearing this, but goes suffused and rather stuffed while trying not to lose his train of thought* —textbook case of vandalism, Your Honour. And besides that, the content was clearly obscene.

Kakashi: *not looking up from _Icha Icha_ * Maa, are we censoring content now?

Tsunade: Have you finally decided to join us, Mister Hatake?

Kakashi: Maa, I got bored waiting for the prosecution to say something relevant.

Tsunade: You're saying our vandalism laws aren't relevant, Mister Hatake?

Kakashi: *still not looking up* She was exercising her right to express herself freely in a public forum.

Iruka: She spray-painted Justice going down on a bull _on the side of the courthouse_.

Kakashi: So is it the content or the location you object to? Personally, I've never seen any harm in a bit of fellatio.

Iruka: _If_ you had read the charges, you would know your client is being prosecuted for public indecency as well as vandalism. Bestiality—

Kakashi: —It's political satire; the bull represents the Bull Market. Money.

Iruka: *snort* Well, that's ironic; how much do you charge an hour?

Kakashi: *glances up* Six hundred; why, see something you like?

Iruka: *sputters*

Kakashi: *snaps book closed and stands* It was not my client's intent to deface this noble edifice dedicated to impartial justice. One might even say indiscriminate; but that's neither here nor there. The placement of her artwork is part of the overall message. Miss Anko buys my services; I don't buy your verdict, Your Honour. Which would be the difference between myself and certain other parties who should perhaps remain nameless at this time.

Iruka: Are you saying we should let people scrawl anything they like on public buildings?

Kakashi: Maa, they do it anyway, don't they?

Iruka: _That_ is not a—

Kakashi: Of course not. But what is the difference between a public wall and public air?

Tsunade: Excuse me?

Kakashi: In this public courtroom, I couldn't be arrested for telling you that your breasts have the round fullness of ripe melons and that it would give me great pleasure to taste every velvet inch of them, would I?

Tsunade: Don't get cute with me, counsel.

Kakashi: Well, Your Honour, this still being a public space, what is the difference between my telling my esteemed opponent that his lips were made for sucking cock, and my scratching a picture into the defendant's table of him doing so?

Iruka: *is three seconds away from apoplexy*

Tsunade: Mister Hatake...

Kakashi: It may be rude—although I assure you, the compliment is sincere *leers at Iruka*—and some people may object to my forthrightness, but is it illegal? I object to people who wear tights instead of pants, but I don't run around trying to have them arrested for it.

Iruka: That's a matter of aesthetics, not vulgarity.

Kakashi: Maa, is it though? The way the material hugs every curve, from the calf, tapering to the knee, swelling finally in a well-shaped buttock—I find the aesthetics quite distracting, frankly. And there are nude statues all over the city. Publicly commissioned, owned, and maintained statues. Advertising has no qualms about revealing normatively scandalous amounts of skin. Even children are familiar with at least _one_ set of genitalia.

Iruka: But it's still obscene.

Kakashi: Different things upset different people. If people were really that offended by sex, it wouldn't be so omnipresent. _Religion_ is more publicly controlled than sex. And this isn't even really sex, it's metaphor.

Iruka: It's pornography!

Kakashi: Pornography would be a painting of you tied down, naked except for that outraged expression on your face, while I sank three fingers into you with your legs over my shoulders. The only value that would have would be...artistic. You really are impossibly attractive when you're angry. *simmering look*

Iruka: *growling* And what makes you think I'd be on the bottom?

Tsunade: *gavel* One hour recess so the counsels can get a room, and we'll continue this.


End file.
